our little one-eyed pirate.

Today, our lovely girl Gizmo had to be put to sleep. I'm going to miss her more than words can say. She and O'Malley were a big part of my life and everyday I spent with them was better just for them having been there. Her little bed looks so empty. It was her time, though, and she looked so beautiful and peaceful once she'd gone.
There's always this time before animals die when you bring them outside, and it's like they're aware of nature. There's a very big difference in their perception of nature, and it was especially evident in gizmo when we brought her out to the car and it made me feel so much better because I feel like it means they're so close to death, in this really peaceful way where they have this understanding of the world that you can only have when you're about to die. I feel like when you die you just become a part of everything and if you're part of something you understand it, and Gizmo was becoming part of and understanding nature. O'Malley always understood nature. The way Gizmo acted today reminded me of how O'malley always was. She could feel the wind and she lifted her head, and she couldn't see but she could feel it. And the wind did feel so good because it was warm. And my mom was carrying her in her arms and it was just blowing through her fur and she had been in so much pain but she suddenly seemed fine, calm, and aware. Malley used to go outside in the winter and just lay down in one spot in the snow for an hour, and we'd secretly watch him out the window because he was so handsome, and his head would be tilted up and he'd just be smelling and feeling the air, and he looked like he was thinking. And in those moments I felt like he knew things I could never know. I feel like it's the kind of knowledge that buddhists believe in. like enlightenment, which I feel is entirely about being one with nature. All I know is I miss Gizmo and O'Malley so much. I was so lucky to have them, to know them. Animals are such a gift and they were two of my gifts in this life. I love you both forever, Gizmo and O'Malley. Promise.