mammals, like frosting

This is a deer I made last October as part of a larger project. The deer on her own ended up being my favorite part of the whole thing. I named her Deirdre. I was laying in bed thinking about her last night, and about how making her was so different from my typical art. There are so many things that I want to do. Some are similar to what I do now, and some are much bigger, much different, much more adventurous. I used to kind of talk myself out of certain projects. Even recently, with the birch tree drawings I've been doing. I'll think things like, "this doesn't really fit in with my current work" or "it doesn't seem me at all", even if it's something I really want to try. I've decided not to allow myself to ever do that again. Being an artist is like having an entire life that's a giant blank canvas. You can do whatever you want. If it doesn't turn out to be the best thing you ever did, it was a learning experience. I'm so excited for what's to come. I'm so excited to see how the art of my friends evolves over the years. Being out of college now, with all of us starting to get what it feels like to be 'real' artists - it's just so strange sometimes. But it's starting to feel really nice and like a really big adventure that's never going to end. So that's that! I have new things in the works but so many at once that none are ready to put up here. Mostly I've been going crazy trying to get ready for the show on Tuesday. I must trim prints now!! love, Amanda. ps - a good scan of "I was too young to know how to love her."

animals strike curious poses. they feel the heat between me and you.

I have been busy spending my time with creatures, and it makes me quite happy. I've been making art, too! And I promise it will come soon. Along with Kate and Kevin, I will be in the Glovebox 8x8 show at Goody Glovers in the North End on July 29th. New prints will be for sale there! The summer has been good. It's hard to come to terms with the fact that college is over. I miss all my friends so much. I miss the city. I miss seeing a certain boy more often than I get to now. But I'm very lucky, and I'm looking forward to what the summer has to offer. The other morning I saw a wood pecker do a mating dance, and, as you can see, tamed a chipmunk. I hope to go horse back riding soon. I love connecting with animals, and I feel like riding a horse is one of the special chances a person gets to literally work with an animal towards a common goal. I've been missing my dogs so much lately. The next time I have a dog, it will probably be my own! So, with all that said, new paintings soon! I hope you're all enjoying fields and sun and rows of birch trees and summer moonlight.

my friend flicka.

Ann Kirchner, who mans the front desk at AIB these days, has created a Flickr acount for AIB! My work, along with the work of many others, is viewable now! Visit http://www.flickr.com/photos/aiboston to see the gallery. Ann's show, "Portraits and Pages", is being held at the Brookline Arts Center on 86 Monmouth Street in Brookline, MA. The opening is Friday June 27th from 6 to 8 pm. You should all go!!

down the rabbit hole for another summer.

if I could only get you oceanside.

I plague myself with an image of idealized love. It comes out of my fingertips in almost everything that I do - painting, writing, even underlining the writing of others. I've been called a hopeless romantic more times than I can count and it never bothered me because I know that's what I am. The problem, for me, comes when I am forced to realize that perhaps my idea of love is not realistic, or that the loves that I have thought to be perfect were not as perfect as they seemed. The relationship of Frida Kahlo and Diego Rivera is one that has fascinated me. While I did not find that to be completely ideal, seeing as he cheated on her regularly and she herself took many other lovers, Frida and Diego could not stay away from each other. They needed each other. Life wasn't life without the other one. I fell in love with the relationship of Henry Miller and Anais Nin when I read Henry and June, but even he cheated on her (as he was cheating on his own wife with Anais). What gets me about these couples is the intellectual connection and passion that they shared. Is it too much to ask for fidelity and a passionate and creative relationship? And if you're lucky enough to have such a relationship in the palm of your hands, how do you keep your crazy creative mind from becoming paranoid? These are things I think about a lot, and too much. Thinking too much is a problem of mine. I heard someone say once, "She doesn't allow weaknesses in others because she doesn't allow them in herself." I'm thinking about the last scene of Breakfast at Tiffany's, when Paul Varjek leaves Holly in the cab and tells her she's scared of being in a cage but she's already in a cage and she built it herself. I am building cages. Sometimes I think I wait for things that don't exist and miss out on what is earthly perfection when it's right in front of me. I am trying to learn. I am trying to grow. I am trying to value my own worth. I've found myself untamable. I am ready to be tamed, should someone know how to tame me.

our little one-eyed pirate.

Today, our lovely girl Gizmo had to be put to sleep. I'm going to miss her more than words can say. She and O'Malley were a big part of my life and everyday I spent with them was better just for them having been there. Her little bed looks so empty. It was her time, though, and she looked so beautiful and peaceful once she'd gone.
There's always this time before animals die when you bring them outside, and it's like they're aware of nature. There's a very big difference in their perception of nature, and it was especially evident in gizmo when we brought her out to the car and it made me feel so much better because I feel like it means they're so close to death, in this really peaceful way where they have this understanding of the world that you can only have when you're about to die. I feel like when you die you just become a part of everything and if you're part of something you understand it, and Gizmo was becoming part of and understanding nature. O'Malley always understood nature. The way Gizmo acted today reminded me of how O'malley always was. She could feel the wind and she lifted her head, and she couldn't see but she could feel it. And the wind did feel so good because it was warm. And my mom was carrying her in her arms and it was just blowing through her fur and she had been in so much pain but she suddenly seemed fine, calm, and aware. Malley used to go outside in the winter and just lay down in one spot in the snow for an hour, and we'd secretly watch him out the window because he was so handsome, and his head would be tilted up and he'd just be smelling and feeling the air, and he looked like he was thinking. And in those moments I felt like he knew things I could never know. I feel like it's the kind of knowledge that buddhists believe in. like enlightenment, which I feel is entirely about being one with nature. All I know is I miss Gizmo and O'Malley so much. I was so lucky to have them, to know them. Animals are such a gift and they were two of my gifts in this life. I love you both forever, Gizmo and O'Malley. Promise.

wish I was the moon tonight.

I am seeing this lady,
on February 2nd!! With Cathy, Shane, and Aaron. Terribly exciting. Neko Case's music sounds like nothing else and I love walking into a store and recognizing her voice on the speakers. There's something so heart breaking and lovely about all her songs, perfect for that exquisite kind of wallowing. I just might feel like painting tonight.
I just purchased two CDs: Girl Groups of the 60s and Sh-Boom. ahahaha. I can't even tell you how much I love this type of music. It's possibly my favorite just-mine, rainy day, doing anything kind of music ever since Court, Ab, Linds and I recorded our own version of The Leader of the Pack in 8th grade. Josephine Baker is on her way here in the mail. Excitement is all around!

porch boy.

Some pages from the sketchbook I worked in May-November 2007, which was lovingly titled "the unofficial number three" the day I bought it. I get really connected to sketchbooks, journals, etc., and then when they are filled and I have to move onto the next one it's actually quite hard. Does anyone else have that problem?


I've also read several short stories from this book today:
I went on my usual book search which occurs every time I've finished whatever it is that I've been reading (in this case, The Seas by Samantha Hunt - excellent). I like being at school for this journey more than being at home, because Camrbidge has my favorite place: The Harvard Bookstore basement. Last night, Borders had to do. I was looking for a book called Black Swan Green which a friend told me about, and which had excited me very much (I have an obsession with black swans in green water). Unfortunately, it was not in stock and had to be ordered. Since I was in desperate need of a book NOW, I followed my usual procedure, which means wandering around aimlessly until something speaks to me. I find the best books this way. This was how I found Ruby by Francesca Lia Block, on a particularly ominous day involving a snow storm and a run-in with a haunted elephant bead in front of the T entrance. While my trip to Borders was not half as eventful as the day of ominous elephants, I found Nissen's book and knew it was the one as soon as I saw that her first name was Thisbe. I read the back and I was sold. First of all, the very first story is entitled "The Mushroom Girl." I am automaticallly a purchaser of any book that shares a title with one of my paintings. The characters are lovely and messed up in delicate and realistic and beautiful ways all involving love. And you know that I love love. Her writing is somewhat reminiscent of Karen Russell for me. They came out around the same time. They are reminiscent of each other: unintentionally, perfectly. My favorite lines of Thisbe's, I think, are the following, and it is only because they explain the exact way I would describe my mind's thought process on the topic: "He doesn't even want what he's supposed to want: a partner, compatibility, we-both-like-to-take-long-walks-with-our-dog kind of love. That's yuppie love. Drew wants crazy love: fated, astrological, intense, cosmic, I-saw-you-and-I-knew love. He thinks maybe he could find that with the mushroom girl. He doesn't know why he thinks this, he just does." And I'll leave you with that. Love, me.