camera obscura

An update in pictures. When life is less crazy, I will put up new art! (finally.)

if I could only get you oceanside.

I plague myself with an image of idealized love. It comes out of my fingertips in almost everything that I do - painting, writing, even underlining the writing of others. I've been called a hopeless romantic more times than I can count and it never bothered me because I know that's what I am. The problem, for me, comes when I am forced to realize that perhaps my idea of love is not realistic, or that the loves that I have thought to be perfect were not as perfect as they seemed. The relationship of Frida Kahlo and Diego Rivera is one that has fascinated me. While I did not find that to be completely ideal, seeing as he cheated on her regularly and she herself took many other lovers, Frida and Diego could not stay away from each other. They needed each other. Life wasn't life without the other one. I fell in love with the relationship of Henry Miller and Anais Nin when I read Henry and June, but even he cheated on her (as he was cheating on his own wife with Anais). What gets me about these couples is the intellectual connection and passion that they shared. Is it too much to ask for fidelity and a passionate and creative relationship? And if you're lucky enough to have such a relationship in the palm of your hands, how do you keep your crazy creative mind from becoming paranoid? These are things I think about a lot, and too much. Thinking too much is a problem of mine. I heard someone say once, "She doesn't allow weaknesses in others because she doesn't allow them in herself." I'm thinking about the last scene of Breakfast at Tiffany's, when Paul Varjek leaves Holly in the cab and tells her she's scared of being in a cage but she's already in a cage and she built it herself. I am building cages. Sometimes I think I wait for things that don't exist and miss out on what is earthly perfection when it's right in front of me. I am trying to learn. I am trying to grow. I am trying to value my own worth. I've found myself untamable. I am ready to be tamed, should someone know how to tame me.

lover, you should've come over.

With everyday that passes lately, I feel like something new happens to make me appreciate how delicate and precious life is. We are not on this earth long enough, and I don't want to waste a single second of it. I hope to keep this in mind every day and I wish the same for others, that we may enjoy every moment of this journey we're lucky enough to be a part of. Love. xo

our little one-eyed pirate.

Today, our lovely girl Gizmo had to be put to sleep. I'm going to miss her more than words can say. She and O'Malley were a big part of my life and everyday I spent with them was better just for them having been there. Her little bed looks so empty. It was her time, though, and she looked so beautiful and peaceful once she'd gone.
There's always this time before animals die when you bring them outside, and it's like they're aware of nature. There's a very big difference in their perception of nature, and it was especially evident in gizmo when we brought her out to the car and it made me feel so much better because I feel like it means they're so close to death, in this really peaceful way where they have this understanding of the world that you can only have when you're about to die. I feel like when you die you just become a part of everything and if you're part of something you understand it, and Gizmo was becoming part of and understanding nature. O'Malley always understood nature. The way Gizmo acted today reminded me of how O'malley always was. She could feel the wind and she lifted her head, and she couldn't see but she could feel it. And the wind did feel so good because it was warm. And my mom was carrying her in her arms and it was just blowing through her fur and she had been in so much pain but she suddenly seemed fine, calm, and aware. Malley used to go outside in the winter and just lay down in one spot in the snow for an hour, and we'd secretly watch him out the window because he was so handsome, and his head would be tilted up and he'd just be smelling and feeling the air, and he looked like he was thinking. And in those moments I felt like he knew things I could never know. I feel like it's the kind of knowledge that buddhists believe in. like enlightenment, which I feel is entirely about being one with nature. All I know is I miss Gizmo and O'Malley so much. I was so lucky to have them, to know them. Animals are such a gift and they were two of my gifts in this life. I love you both forever, Gizmo and O'Malley. Promise.

news!

My mother has created a blog! She became a full-time painter when I was nine years old, and in recent years she's been a part of Penny Lane Publishing. She's just begun her blog and I'm really excited to see how she goes about it (everyone's blogs are so unique to them!). She really loves what she does and has been the main source of encouragement in my artistic endeavors. She's the first link in my artists sidebar, so check it out! Love you, Mom!
artwork copyright donna atkins.

all in green went my love riding.

I've always had a thing for couples from throughout history who were artists, writers, musicians, etc. Women and men who found another being that fueled them creatively in addition to their love. Maybe it's that two individually passionate people can make excedingly spectacular passion together. Romaine Brooks had a number of partners like this. Of course for Anais Nin, Henry Miller was the one and only inspiration for her best works. Lately I've been thinking about Georgia O'Keefe the painter and Alfred Stieglitz the photographer. He fell in love with her hands, and extensively photographed her for decades in an attempt to capture every aspect of her. Unlike the other couples mentioned, Georgia and Alfred married and stayed that way until his death. Very romantic, no?


photographs of Georgia O'Keefe by Alfred Steiglitz.

thoughts and lovely pictures I found on google image.

Lately, my mind doesn't even know which way to look. I can't believe that in two months, I'll be done with college. It's a scary thing. At the same time, it's incredibly exciting. My world for the past 16 years has been school, and that is about to change. I've been very excited to create my own little world for a very long time, and it's so close now! I love what I do, and I'll always be doing it no matter what.
A week ago a boy told me, "Your walks seem almost sacred to you. And for those hours, I felt like I was let into your world." It's one of my favorite things anyone has ever said to me. He is a writer and he is good at saying lovely things.
Last Saturday, with the senior show having been the night before (and therefore feeling completely restless with no goal right in my face to be working towards), I was in desperate need of some kind of stimulation, preferably from something completely unknown to me. The AMC in Harvard Square didn't have Penelope, which I really wanted to see, so I checked what the Brattle Theater had. The film was named Last Year in Marienbad, a french film in subtitlees, and it sounded so strange and peculiar that I left my desk immediately to buy my ticket to the 9:30 show. The film started off slow, but sucked me in rather quickly and I never wanted it to end. It was disturbing and sterile. The people like walking manequins, the hotel like a living thing. It was painfully romantic. I won't give anything away because I think it is very much worth renting. It was just what I needed that night.
Anais Nin with lover whose name I forget at the moment. I've been reading a lot lately. Reading a new fiction called "Tolstoy Lied," which would be adored by any literature major on this planet. Rereading Henry and June. "The Last American Valentine: Illustrated Poems to Seduce and Destroy" edited by Derrick Brown, featuring work by Buddy Wakefield. Amber Tamblyn, Mindy Nettifee, and other beautiful poets. It's sooo good. Lately, I like to listen to: Kate Nash, Amy Winehouse, old Jewel, and many of my assorted playlists.
And that is all for now! I've started a new painting and hope to complete at least one more over this spring break. Mom and I saw Mrs. Pettigrew lives for a day (looooved it!! Such beautiful clothing and Amy Adams is so wonderful.) and soon we will see Penelope!!! Other than that it should be work, work, work (and probably procrastination!). I hope you're all having a nice end to your weekend!!! :) Amanda <3

Also, work by Emily Hochrein, Kevin Hebb, Adam Ellis, myself, and a couple of others are featured on AIB's illustration page!
e.e.cummings of the Poet Portraits series by Amanda Atkins.
Petri Dish Brothers by Emily Hochrein.
Painting by Kevin Hebb.
Painting by Adam Ellis. Check out the real page here: http://www.lesley.edu/aib/curriculum/illustration.html

busy as a....bunny.

I haven't posted in so long, and I feel terrible. But there is so much to share!!! First of all:

My senior illustration class is in a show at Goody Glover's in the north end, hosted by Glovebox!!! The opening is Tuesday, March 25th, 7 pm. This is my first show out of AIB, and I'm very excited. I'm also excited that the company is named glovebox. It's run by two girls who graduated from AIB just a couple of years ago. For more information go to gloveboxboston.com.
Our AIB senior illustration show was an amazing success! Everyone looked so beautiful and the space looked great. I can't even describe the night in words, honestly, so here are some pictures!




It was a lovely evening! Thank you to everyone who came and for all your kind words about our work. It meant a lot! <3

lunar.

I've decided that once in a while I will post a photograph I really like, since I love pictures so much. So to start, here is a picture of my sister Courtney and our two best friends, Abigail and Lindsey, who are also sisters. I love all three of them very much!